Many apologies for keeping you waiting for the description of the Tibetan wedding that I was privileged to be invited to attend. By way of recap for any new readers, on Thursday 10th April I was invited to a Tibetan wedding. Due to its complexity I was unable to write it up at the time, but do so now.
I should also add, for the record, that I have not researched Tibetan weddings (yes I know I'm in Nepal but the Sherpa people are essentially Buddhists after the Tibetan style as per their ancestry) and I have no prior experience of such. I retell to you exactly what I saw and heard. If in so doing from the perspective of a rank amateur I cause offence in any way then I apologise without reservation and shall be happy to make any changes of a material nature.
So it was that at about 4:15 on a beautiful sunny afternoon I and other guests, as freshly scrubbed and clothed as possible in the circumstances, trooped down the rocky track from the Sonam Lodge to the wedding venue. While of course we did our best with our attire we weren't hugely concerned as the groom was also staying at the Lodge and he was still in day-to-day gear until less than an hour before the event. In fact the timing of the event was quite a mystery unlit late on. I think it is up to the Llama conducting the ceremony to say 'when' and until he does then the happy couple, guests, and all just wait, as we had, until getting the nod at 4:15.
The wedding venue was a private residence belonging to the Sirdar of the expedition group of which I am part. Upon arrival at the house, more accurately a bungalow in the style of the village of Pangboche although perhaps a little larger than some, we were welcomed by our host and his wife. The greeting was wholesome and warm involving a slight bow and double-handed handshakes in the style that might be extended to particular friends for whom a normal handshake is not enough but a hug would be too personal. We were shown to the lha kang, the deity room, where the ceremony would take place. This measured around 5m x 9m and had one external facing long wall with 3 small windows opposite the corner doorway. The other long wall, adjacent and to the right of the doorway, featured a series of glass-fronted wooden display cabinets bearing fine highly polished metal cookware, blankets, linens and other displays of family wealth. The same was the case for the short wall to the left of the doorway. The lower part of these 3 walls featured wide bench seating covered in richly coloured rugs in front of which were highly polished wooden tables. Along the other short wall, that furthest from the door, was a fireplace. Above the fireplace was a mantelpiece and above this the deity. On either side of this central focal point, which included religious statues and glassware in cabinets and artefacts of religious importance, were more glass-fronted cabinets displaying religious scripts and tests. On all 4 walls was a silken pelmet sash of around 10" width. Along the deity wall the sash was golden while on the other 3 walls it was green. The most venerated part of the room was the corner to the left of the deity wall, that being diagonally opposite the door. In this corner were the most prized religious texts and a small plain table. In the middle of the room cross-ways and about one-third of the way up the room from the deity was a thick supporting pole decorated with prayer flags of blue, green, yellow, red and white, and tasselled sashes of tangerine bearing religious symbols.
We were invited to sit wherever we pleased around the perimeter except along the deity wall, in the immediate vicinity of the small table to the left of the deity, or the first 10ft or so to the right of it as these places were reserved. We sat immediately to the right of these places, towards the middle of the windowed wall. Despite the seriousness of the occasion and our unfamiliarity with proceedings the warmth of our welcome and the friendliness of those already present we were soon joining in lively conversations. Indeed one young attendee was eagerly trying, successfully, to find partners for a game of 'Uno'.
Shortly ladies appeared with trays of refreshment. We were offered tea with or without milk and sweet biscuits marked 'Nebico Glucose'. In the middle of room, resting again the supporting pole was table bearing beer, wine, sherry (Harvey's Bristol Cream), soft drinks including coke, Johnny Walker Red Label whiskey, beer and a selection of wines.
At around 5:15 a hush descended as the high-venerated Llama Gyeshe was shown into the room a across to his place at the small table reserved for him. This deeply tanned, short grey-haired, wizened Llama was of exceptionally high rank and had escaped to Nepal from his monastery in Tibet when the Chinese invaded his country in 1959. Dressed in deep red robes with gold trim and a red skullcap he crossed the room slowly, slightly stooped, greeting those present with nods and gestures; refusing the helping hands offered to him. Upon reaching his seat he produced a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles and proceeded to read scriptures while the level of jollity in the room returned to its previous level.
Prior to the Llama's arrival and afterwards guests continued to arrive. The men were in normal working clothes probably of yak wool and typically wearing trainers, as were the ladies save that all wore jackets and headscarves, and long aprons in a similar but not identical style; chequered in black, white, and primary colours where the horizontal length of each chequered segment was around 6" and each vertical was around 1/2". Both ensembles appeared to be regular working clothes given a 'Sunday Best' twist.
After 10 minutes or so of reading, at 5:25, the Llama began chanting over tea. He produced box of religious texts and having sensed the appropriate mood proceeded to plan the most auspicious ceremony. Note this wasn't a routine matter but proceeding were conducted according to how the Llama felt on the day. At this point conversation around the room adopted a more respectful tone and more tea and biscuits were offered. By this time Tim and I had been persuaded to play cards with the second youngest guest. Meanwhile the youngest, a babe-in-arms dressed in a beautiful little pink and white knitted suit with matching hat and pom-pom, was being proudly yet discretely nourished by her Mum while Grandma looked on adoringly.
Towards 6:00 proceedings moved another step forward with the ritual serving of Chang, a traditional strong alcohol made from ground barley. Tsampa was dabbed on one side of the glass and those receiving this (it was not compulsory) were expected to take 3 small sips from the other side of the glass from the tsampa after each of which the glass was refilled. The Chang was accompanied by more biscuits. Meanwhile the Llama was studying a certificate or similarly appearing script.
At about 6:15, 6 men in traditional dress arrived with their wives and children. The ladies and youngsters were in regular clothing, ladies with the same style of apron as others already present, but the men wore loose grey robes trimmed at the collar and cuffs with finely detailed silk, each wore a bright waist sash in green, red, blue or yellow, and each wore a hat akin to what I think of as a cowboy hat. These men placed a large grey blanket on the floor next to the deity mantelpiece. Upon this they fashioned 2 'swastika' symbols with rice, each about 18" square and around 3ft apart side by side in front of the Llama. In Nepal this symbol means good health and any other association should be disregarded. Each symbol was the mirror image of the other and in each quadrant of each symbol was placed a little mound of rice. Once the stage was set a election of drinks were placed in front of Llama together with a 18" pole wrapped with prayer flags set in an ornate 6" metal vessel filled with rice. By this time the congregation numbered around 30.
At 6:30 a hush descended as the happy couple entered dressed in ornate robes. The bride wore a beautifully regal long chocolate-brown robe with a high collar, cream cuffs and highly decorated embellishments of silk. Down the sides and back of her robe were coloured crosses and bars of blue, red and green. On her head she wore a fur hat with back and sides turned up toppled with an ornate crown. The man was in a rich strident tangerine robe with a cream waist sash. Diagonally across one shoulder was a red sash while across the other was one of cream. He wore a red bowler-style hat with a broad yellow brim. Having placed themselves in front of the Llama, each standing on a swastika the man to the right of the lady, they seated themselves cross-legged. To renewed chanting from the Llama the helpers, the enrobed men mentioned previously, placed ornate metal vessels in front of them containing Tibetan tea. Far from this process being staid or reserved, it was accompanied by much merriment and taking of photos while the Llama chanted on.
There followed a period of sporadic handbell ringing by Llama Gyeshe, accompanied by periodic chanting during which more Chang was served. After around 10 minutes the chanting stopped and a longer peal of more strident bell ringing signalled the end of this part of the ceremony following which the Llama meditated while rolling prayer beads between thumb and forefinger. More chanting and bell ringing was ended by a small dull gong being sounded together with gesticulation towards the bride and groom, still seated crossed-legged to his front.
Twenty minutes after their appearance, at around 6:50, each time accompanied by a ring of bells and a short chant, the Llama placed each of 4 drinks from his table onto a metal tray held by an assistant. Then rice was placed in the palm of the right hands of all the congregation and the Llama. On his lead this was tossed into air with the words: 'sooo, sooo'. To the accompaniment of chanting the tray of drinks was carried from the room, and returned shortly after with the glasses empty. This was to symbolise having made an offering outside the room. While this was taking place different assistants stood in front of Llama with trays of biscuits and vessels of liquid while the Llama slowly twirled a small hand drum; a drum on a stick with a swinging weight twirled between thumb and forefinger. After a while, towards 7 pm guests were offered dry crackers and raisins, and a drink. This drink was not the same as Chang and we were expected to take some and drink/eat straight away, rather like a toast. The quiet after this symbolic act suggested the arrival of a moment of particular significance.
On the stroke of 7:00 Llama Gyeshe addressed the couple in front of him while holding the prayer flag-wrapped pole. Tim explained to me in hushed tones that he was telling them that the green flag symbolised fulfilment of wishes while the yellow meant that dreams might come true. The blue was for protection from harm, red meant superiority, and finally the white would destroy evil. After this the Llama spoke quietly and directly to the couple. I was unable to pick it all up despite its translation to English for their benefit by the Llama's daughter. However the laughter which accompanied this and the snippets understood led me to believe the husband was being told he was lucky to have such a good wife. There was much chuckling around the room at this.
At 7:10, after 40 minutes of sitting motionless cross-legged the couple eased their way to a standing position. They gave their names and nationality to the Llama after which the flag-wrapped pole was pushed down back of the lady's robe. Sashes were placed first around his neck then hers, after which they were invited to sit back down. Ouch! There was more chuckling from those assembled as their headgear was removed and butter was smeared on their heads and rice tossed as a blessing of richness.
The couple then stood up and the Llama talked to them while writing on cards. These were placed in envelopes and handed to each. At this assistants stood by with yaks tails while the rice-strewn carpet on which the couple had been sat was removed.
Finally the bride and groom were invited to lean down towards Llama Gyeshe so he could tie yellow knotted cords round their necks and, nearly 2 hours after they appeared before him, pronounce them married!
Yee-haa. Did things kick-off then?!
Mr and Mrs ..... er, sorry I missed that bit of detail in among sty the chants and bell ringing (and the Chang) and the assistants danced round the room in a highly flamboyant style waving the yak tails and singing accompanied by clashing of symbols and yahoo-ing and huge laughter. This ritualistic merrymaking was succeeded by lower signing led by older ladies then progressively more raucous chanting while dancing round the room to a crescendo.
Then it was time for the photos of course, after which ... more singing.
There was a song from the couple and the assistants with much swaying with synchronised foot movements and rhythmic foot tapping. After a minute or two the ensemble was joined by some of the ladies previously seated (the assistants' wives). And then by others until the swaying stamping group numbered over a dozen. There was no music and no 'caller' with all rhythm provided by the dancers. Those not dancing were invited to clap. Only Llama Gyeshe sat impassively in his most reverent seat in the corner, blinking and smiling gleefully at the result of his work, before presenting all the dancers with katag scarves as a blessing.
The evening progressed with further traditional singing and more reserved rhythmic movement, women to the left of the couple on the side of the wife, men to the right on the side of the husband, and then more extravagant reeling while the katag scarves were hung round the necks of all guests and a bowl of Chang was brought round. This time we were expected to dip our wedding-ring finger into the bowl 3 times, and after each dip to flick the liquid skywards with a loud: 'soooooooo!!'.
After this hugely fun spectacle the newlyweds moved around the room to be congratulated by all guests while some of the tables moved around to form a line down the middle of the room. From the kitchen were brought huge bowls of food: rice, meat, vegetables, Dal Baht, and tomato salad together with plates with napkins and cutlery. On a separate table next to that bearing the drinks was placed the beautiful wedding cake and despite eating the repast to our fill, not to have par taken of at least 2 large slices of cake would have been deemed an insult. Eat and be merry was the requirement as the assistants and their wives plied us with drinks.
In the midst of the merriment, at around 8.40 the Llama left, shaking the hands of all saying 'Tashi delek', the Tibetan word for 'greetings' and the broad equivalent of the Nepalese 'Namaste'.
After another 30 minutes or so Tim and I left. For my part I was deeply moved by the religious symbology of the wedding and the extraordinary generosity of the couple being married and the host of the event for inviting us to join them.
I fear that in my ignorance I have missed much of what took placed, or misjudged its significance. I hope however that I have been able to give you a glimpse into this joyous and inclusive event. This happiest of happy days in the lives of Mr & Mrs......... Doh!